Sunday, November 14, 2010

Letter to RA

Dear RA,
You suck! I just want to go to church and to have lunch with friends but no, you wont let me! in You have invaded my joints and my whole body once again. I'm cold I cant get warn and then to make matters worse when I try I have  hot flashes. Make up you mind.  You make me eat everything in sight,  and gain weight because right now I cant exercise.Then you take my appetite away and you cause my mother to freak out.You make me cry, feel guilty, bad about myself because I'm sick.I'm embarrassed because I cant open things I'm 33 other people my age open everything.  I'm lonely I want my church friends. I also want my spoonies on the Internet but you  take that away by hurting my hands I want to work to help others but you prevent that too. Are you buddies with the cold weather, you must be because every time one comes into my life the other follows.I wish i was powerful enough m to fight you. but I cant, You have affected me and a lot of my wonderful friends , But one day one Day we will win, They will invent a cure and you will be no more. A lot of us are spiritual, which means we have a higher power on our side. You cant win against that. I hope you are shaking because Im gonna fight back. Im going to my doctor Hell I will go to 5 doctors , I will take every med I can get my hands , I will exercise and you will fail to exist in my life.
Jennifer A. Miller

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Im Scared! Things that run through my mind !

A week ago I went to a new Dr.  I got a new diagnosis Rheumatoid Arthritis. At first I was like OK cool because I was under the impression it could be treated and I would be fine. I then got home got on the internet and I learned the truth. Yes there are ways to treat it, but no way to cure it.  Knowing that I will live the rest of my life in pain saddens me. I think back to before I got sick and I want to shake myself, I thought it was a major deal if I didn't have plans for the weekend,If the cute guy didn't ask me out or If i didn't look perfect. I did have problems deciding what I wanted to do with my life. I defiantly wanted to be a wife and a mother, a teacher or a counselor. I wanted to host parties and Bible studies. I often wonder if that girl was shallow and did God allow this to happen just to get my attention.
My worries now are will I be paralysed, What If I'm walking one day and I collapse because my legs go numb My legs to go numb but they haven't given out on me. I'm afraid because I have heard that this can affect my organs my heart or my kidneys. I also don't want to be a burden to my friends or my family, My parents are about to retire, I don't want them to have to take care of me again. Whose going to take care of them when they need it. Will I be able to ? What about marriage ? If I get married I am going to want a child, but what if I pass these diseases onto them, is it selfish of me to want to get married, to have children. I know these are heavy questions that have no answers but I just wanted to get them out.
There are medicines that will help me but I'm swelling and hurting a lot. The winter is pure hell on me. It makes me want to move but I cant support myself.
I don't want my life to be over. There are places I want to go, people I want to meet, and things I want to do. I also have the worst memory now. I want to return to grad school, But I have the worse memory thanks to all of this what If i forget to go to class or do my homework? Is my body able to handle classes? Will my fingers handle typing and note taking? What if I'm taking a test and I go into brain fog?
I know that my life is not my own but the Lords. I know that He will help me handle all of this,but sometimes it is a lot to handle, If we are friends, don't let this scare you away because I need you now more than ever.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

My Review of Bath&Body Works Holiday Collection 2010

 I had the pleasure of going into Bath and Body Works the other day and I was pleasantly surprised at what I discovered. The day before I saw some adds that the Holiday collection was out, so I new I was in for a treat.
    The first thing I noticed was the Christmas lotion selection, Vanilla Bean Noel, Winter Candy Apple, Snow Kissed Berry, (which is new) and Twisted Peppermint. They have Shower Gel, Body Lotion, Fragrance Mist, and Triple Moisture Body Cream. I love the fact that they have Triple Moisture Body Cream. My skin gets drier in the winter so I need all the moisture that I can get. Its fun to know that during the holidays, I can smell like a warm dessert all of the time. One thing that they are doing this year is offering free gift wrap and ribbons with purchase. You have to do the work yourself but if its free I'm not complaining. The have all of their holiday scents Buy 3 get 2 free.
    My favorite item would have to be their lip gloss. They refer to their lip glosses as Liplicious. This year they have developed a new cupcake inspired line. The flavors are  cupcake flavors and the tops are shaped like cupcake liners. The flavors are Pink Chiffon, Red Velvet, Strawberry, Cookies ‘N’ Cream, Coconut, and Marble Gloss. The packaging is adorable. They also have their Holiday scents, along with the scents from previous years which are fruit and candy flavored. These are buy 2 get one free.
    For the home and bath, they have Holiday inspired candles, hand sanitizers, and wall scents. For the hand sanitizers, they have the holiday scents in novelty dispensers. For example  the Twisted Peppermint comes in a fun peppermint sized container. They also have a fun snowman for the other flavors. These are 2 for $12.
    In the candles they have scents such as Evergreen, Holiday Wreath, Spice and the previous mentioned Holiday scents. The full collection will be available on the 11th of November. In the wall scents, they have snowflakes, snowmen and Christmas tree shaped dispensers some of the scents are Frosted Cranberries, Vanilla Caramel, Cinnamon and Clove and Creamy Nutmeg. These are on sale two for twenty.
    I love the holiday Season, and Bath and Body Works makes it even better. When you make a purchase, you will receive a coupon book that you can use for even more Savings in the future. All purchase can be made on line at or at your local Bath and Body Works.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

New added posts

Recently a friend told me that I should let people know about my daily struggle with Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis. So i decided to take all my online post and combine them into one blog. As you can see Fibro- (the nickname I have for Fibromyalgia) can mess with your feelings and your emotions. Sometimes I'm happy sometimes not so much. But this is my Journey to become a writer and to hopefully be able to counsel others that are going through hard times. That's right in the midst of all of this I hope to one day go to grad school, Yes I maybe crazy but it gives me the strength to keep going. I want to be able to help others one day. Thank you for reading and supporting me through this
Well I went to the Dr today. Dr’s get on my nerves although, I must admit I do like my Dr. now a lot. When you have been sick for over 2 years and they haven’t found a cure yet or even as of today a definite diagnosis,  it can kind of get to you. The doctor decided to leave my meds the same at least for a month. He wants to study some blood work I had done last month before my surgery to see if they would interfere with the new medicine he wants to try. I’m not as emotional today which is a good thing.

Wanted feedback!

Does anybody read my post?
OK so I have posted three times, The only thing I’m missing is your feed back! I love to write My dream is to be a paid writer someda,y but we will see if that happens.  I have been on my new meds for a few days now. Its the same as before sometimes I feel good other times I don’t. It is so freaking hot in Dallas today as its supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. I wish I could move! I wish I could be totally independent, I have thought I might want to live in LA you know since its 72 degrees there while we are sweating but I'm not sure! It is expensive there! And I’m not a model/actress type nor do I want to be, I'm me!!! I love me, I just wish I didn’t have endo and Fibro. I wish I could run, hike, play basketball, football, softball and go hang with my friends! I miss our dinners and good talks. And I never see movies anymore! I’m still able to do some of these things I just don’t very much! Anyway Thanks for listening to me ramble

Warnings to everyone who gets monthly medicine!

Just a reminder! What has been going on with me!
When you go to the pharmacy always check your meds! I take daily medicines because of my health issues. I have fibromyalgia endometriosis cerebral palsy migraines etc. They messed up my medicine they game me two of one and none of the other. The side effect i noticed was depression, anxiety and irritability. I though it was bad PMS. I get angry when I think I could have died and truthfully haven’t been examined yet so I don’t know what is going on in my body. I’m kinda scared so send prayers good thoughts my way. And this explain all those emotional tweets which I apologise for. I try my best to be positive to help others. I feel I was put on this earth to help others.