Letter to RA

Dear RA,
You suck! I just want to go to church and to have lunch with friends but no, you wont let me! in You have invaded my joints and my whole body once again. I'm cold I cant get warn and then to make matters worse when I try I have  hot flashes. Make up you mind.  You make me eat everything in sight,  and gain weight because right now I cant exercise.Then you take my appetite away and you cause my mother to freak out.You make me cry, feel guilty, bad about myself because I'm sick.I'm embarrassed because I cant open things I'm 33 other people my age open everything.  I'm lonely I want my church friends. I also want my spoonies on the Internet but you  take that away by hurting my hands I want to work to help others but you prevent that too. Are you buddies with the cold weather, you must be because every time one comes into my life the other follows.I wish i was powerful enough m to fight you. but I cant, You have affected me and a lot of my wonderful friends , But one day one Day we will win, They will invent a cure and you will be no more. A lot of us are spiritual, which means we have a higher power on our side. You cant win against that. I hope you are shaking because Im gonna fight back. Im going to my doctor Hell I will go to 5 doctors , I will take every med I can get my hands , I will exercise and you will fail to exist in my life.
Sincerely,
Jennifer A. Miller
RA SURVIVOR

Im Scared! Things that run through my mind !

A week ago I went to a new Dr.  I got a new diagnosis Rheumatoid Arthritis. At first I was like OK cool because I was under the impression it could be treated and I would be fine. I then got home got on the internet and I learned the truth. Yes there are ways to treat it, but no way to cure it.  Knowing that I will live the rest of my life in pain saddens me. I think back to before I got sick and I want to shake myself, I thought it was a major deal if I didn't have plans for the weekend,If the cute guy didn't ask me out or If i didn't look perfect. I did have problems deciding what I wanted to do with my life. I defiantly wanted to be a wife and a mother, a teacher or a counselor. I wanted to host parties and Bible studies. I often wonder if that girl was shallow and did God allow this to happen just to get my attention.
My worries now are will I be paralysed, What If I'm walking one day and I collapse because my legs go numb My legs to go numb but they haven't given out on me. I'm afraid because I have heard that this can affect my organs my heart or my kidneys. I also don't want to be a burden to my friends or my family, My parents are about to retire, I don't want them to have to take care of me again. Whose going to take care of them when they need it. Will I be able to ? What about marriage ? If I get married I am going to want a child, but what if I pass these diseases onto them, is it selfish of me to want to get married, to have children. I know these are heavy questions that have no answers but I just wanted to get them out.
There are medicines that will help me but I'm swelling and hurting a lot. The winter is pure hell on me. It makes me want to move but I cant support myself.
I don't want my life to be over. There are places I want to go, people I want to meet, and things I want to do. I also have the worst memory now. I want to return to grad school, But I have the worse memory thanks to all of this what If i forget to go to class or do my homework? Is my body able to handle classes? Will my fingers handle typing and note taking? What if I'm taking a test and I go into brain fog?
I know that my life is not my own but the Lords. I know that He will help me handle all of this,but sometimes it is a lot to handle, If we are friends, don't let this scare you away because I need you now more than ever.

My Review of Bath&Body Works Holiday Collection 2010

 I had the pleasure of going into Bath and Body Works the other day and I was pleasantly surprised at what I discovered. The day before I saw some adds that the Holiday collection was out, so I new I was in for a treat.
    The first thing I noticed was the Christmas lotion selection, Vanilla Bean Noel, Winter Candy Apple, Snow Kissed Berry, (which is new) and Twisted Peppermint. They have Shower Gel, Body Lotion, Fragrance Mist, and Triple Moisture Body Cream. I love the fact that they have Triple Moisture Body Cream. My skin gets drier in the winter so I need all the moisture that I can get. Its fun to know that during the holidays, I can smell like a warm dessert all of the time. One thing that they are doing this year is offering free gift wrap and ribbons with purchase. You have to do the work yourself but if its free I'm not complaining. The have all of their holiday scents Buy 3 get 2 free.
    My favorite item would have to be their lip gloss. They refer to their lip glosses as Liplicious. This year they have developed a new cupcake inspired line. The flavors are  cupcake flavors and the tops are shaped like cupcake liners. The flavors are Pink Chiffon, Red Velvet, Strawberry, Cookies ‘N’ Cream, Coconut, and Marble Gloss. The packaging is adorable. They also have their Holiday scents, along with the scents from previous years which are fruit and candy flavored. These are buy 2 get one free.
    For the home and bath, they have Holiday inspired candles, hand sanitizers, and wall scents. For the hand sanitizers, they have the holiday scents in novelty dispensers. For example  the Twisted Peppermint comes in a fun peppermint sized container. They also have a fun snowman for the other flavors. These are 2 for $12.
    In the candles they have scents such as Evergreen, Holiday Wreath, Spice and the previous mentioned Holiday scents. The full collection will be available on the 11^th of November. In the wall scents, they have snowflakes, snowmen and Christmas tree shaped dispensers some of the scents are Frosted Cranberries, Vanilla Caramel, Cinnamon and Clove and Creamy Nutmeg. These are on sale two for twenty.
    I love the holiday Season, and Bath and Body Works makes it even better. When you make a purchase, you will receive a coupon book that you can use for even more Savings in the future. All purchase can be made on line at bathandbodyworks.com or at your local Bath and Body Works.

New added posts

Recently a friend told me that I should let people know about my daily struggle with Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis. So i decided to take all my online post and combine them into one blog. As you can see Fibro- (the nickname I have for Fibromyalgia) can mess with your feelings and your emotions. Sometimes I'm happy sometimes not so much. But this is my Journey to become a writer and to hopefully be able to counsel others that are going through hard times. That's right in the midst of all of this I hope to one day go to grad school, Yes I maybe crazy but it gives me the strength to keep going. I want to be able to help others one day. Thank you for reading and supporting me through this

Well I went to the Dr today. Dr’s get on my nerves although, I must admit I do like my Dr. now a lot. When you have been sick for over 2 years and they haven’t found a cure yet or even as of today a definite diagnosis,  it can kind of get to you. The doctor decided to leave my meds the same at least for a month. He wants to study some blood work I had done last month before my surgery to see if they would interfere with the new medicine he wants to try. I’m not as emotional today which is a good thing.

Wanted feedback!

Does anybody read my post?
OK so I have posted three times, The only thing I’m missing is your feed back! I love to write My dream is to be a paid writer someda,y but we will see if that happens.  I have been on my new meds for a few days now. Its the same as before sometimes I feel good other times I don’t. It is so freaking hot in Dallas today as its supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. I wish I could move! I wish I could be totally independent, I have thought I might want to live in LA you know since its 72 degrees there while we are sweating but I'm not sure! It is expensive there! And I’m not a model/actress type nor do I want to be, I'm me!!! I love me, I just wish I didn’t have endo and Fibro. I wish I could run, hike, play basketball, football, softball and go hang with my friends! I miss our dinners and good talks. And I never see movies anymore! I’m still able to do some of these things I just don’t very much! Anyway Thanks for listening to me ramble

Warnings to everyone who gets monthly medicine!

Just a reminder! What has been going on with me!
When you go to the pharmacy always check your meds! I take daily medicines because of my health issues. I have fibromyalgia endometriosis cerebral palsy migraines etc. They messed up my medicine they game me two of one and none of the other. The side effect i noticed was depression, anxiety and irritability. I though it was bad PMS. I get angry when I think I could have died and truthfully haven’t been examined yet so I don’t know what is going on in my body. I’m kinda scared so send prayers good thoughts my way. And this explain all those emotional tweets which I apologise for. I try my best to be positive to help others. I feel I was put on this earth to help others.

More about me the Real Me behind the computer

Hello, I’m Jen and here is my story.I live with pain 24/7. I have 2 diseases Fibromyalgia and endometriosis. Te pain is not fun. I’m in bed a lot. There are no cures to these diseases so for now I take pain meds and I use my heating pad. So I’m online a lot. I have rediscovered my love of music. Another Thing Fibromyalgia also affect my mental abilities its called Fibro Fog, you walk around like you’re in this deep fog. I’m losing my memory. Now what was I writing oh yeah. Being in bed a lot, I watch TV. I enjoy Glee, American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and sports. I also try to keep up with the news. I feel that it strengthens my mental abilities. It makes me feel like a part of the world to know what’s going on even if I can’t physically be a part of it. Being sick has been a blessing in disguise. It has caused me to reevaluate the way I think especially politically as well as human rights I used to be very black and white but now I see lots of grey areas. I was brought up a Christian republican, Now I happy to say I’m more moderate. I still have my faith but being sick has caused me to view it differently. I’m using my inner strength to overcome my weaknesses which are my diseases. I have recently found a love for writing. I have had three articles published in a local fashion blog. I enjoy fashion but I also want to use my writing as a way to enlighten people about Fibromyalgia and endometriosis.

Frustration

I have been wanting to write for a long time. The thing that got me started was the new fashion blog that advertising for writers, So I emailed them and got the info. I actually took the leap and I decided to see what would happen. Well they accepted it and they even tweeted about it. I was on cloud 9. I was so giddy you would have thought that a cute man would have asked me out. No one of my dreams has come true :) !

So the frustrating part,my next two more articles didn't show up.  The first one I just though maybe they didn't publish it because not every body related could relate to it. So I resolved to make the third one even better. I spent almost a day and a half on this article. I wrote, rewrote this one, I checked and rechecked it. I waited and I checked it but they never published it. So I emailed them yesterday  to see what I was doing wrong if their was a certain type of article they were looking for.
They emailed me back saying the did not receive them. I though i just saved it wrong so I just saved it a different way. Well Ive emailed them and tried saving it three plus times, and they still aren't getting them. Urrghh!!!! They think that something is wrong with my account! So in my last email I included every thing I did. Hopefully they will get it fixed. One plus is that they did tell me that the article that they did receive was great! :) Oh well If its meant to be it will be !
 I did hear from them and it was my fault. The company gave me two blog publishing sites, one for their site and one for my personal use. I was publishing the blogs to my personal site instead of their site. I got into my personal site copied and pasted the articles, along with editing them one last time. And they were published and the problem was solved.

The article that I posted in a local ashion blog.

Should I Wear Light or Colored Clothing After Labor Day

Ah the age old question. Should I wear this or Should I listen to what mom/grandma/aunt says? This is especially hard for those of us in the south because even though calender says fall, the weather doesn't agree. So we have the choice, sweat with the darker colors or keep wearing our summer fashion and break the rules?
 Within the last few years fashion experts have come out and said that it is now ok to wear white after Labor Day, despite the horror of the baby boomer generation, they even have a name for it Winter White. The younger generation can rejoice . At last we don't have to sweat under the heavy dark blue and blacks, and we are able to prevent our deodorant budget from going out of control.
But we have to deal with the older generation nagging us!  A few days after labor day my  mother who is adapting to the new found revelation that white is now acceptable after Labor Day, reminded me that I need to change my purse to a darker color, Whats a woman to do?  Listen to the fashion icons that she trust or be nagged by the mother that she adores. Ok I must admit I listen to mother but for my own reason, last Winter I got a dark brown bag that I loved. Truthfully I had missed it so much, I caved but it was by my own choice.
So I have come to the conclusion that its up to us the individual to make our own choices, Whether it is a fashion piece that we have formed a bond with or we wake up feeling hot or cold that morning. Fashion is about being who you are, what makes you comfortable! I have learned that part of being sexy is feeling sexy, others notice too. Look around the room who is attracting the most attention? The people that have the most self confidence that's who. It doesn't matter what they are wearing. They know they are the bomb and others know it to. So when you wake up tomorrow morning before you get dressed remind yourself that you are totally awesome and believe it, And whatever you pull out of you closet will look Amazing!

Article that I wrote from my experiebces shoe shoping!

    I have never been able to share or borrow a pair of shoes from a friend, with one exception. I was in college and I decided to go to a semi-dressy banquet at the last minute (I like most college students had left all of my dressy shoes and clothes at home which was only an hour away.) So I went to my friend who stood at an incredible 4’11 but was from 4 hours away so she had most of her wardrobe with her. We tried on shoes till I found what would go with my outfit. I was desperate, which is why I tried to imagine away the tiny pinch that the shoes caused. Yes, these shoes were two small for me! Well The banquet came and went but you can imagine what my feet felt like at the end of the night - Ouch!

Thankfully my mother is a 6-6.5 so we can share shoes, but I do have another friend who has feet that are  smaller than mine. She has spent weeks shoe shopping for summer shoes. I mean we are talking she has covered all of the Dallas malls in search of one pair of shoes that she can wear. There are large department stores that don’t even carry her size. I feel for her, I know what she goes through!
There have been countless times that I have gone into a store, found the perfect pair of shoes only to here we don’t have your size. I differ in shoe size between virtually every pair of shoes that I own so I have to try on every pair of shoes and walk in them before I make a purchase. There are many times the sales men have brought out four pair of the same shoe to try and fit me. I have learned to go to different stores so they won’t run from me. I also really like Payless Shoes, because you can help yourself, they do have a lot of selection, and the shoes are too fabulous for words.
Things do come in all different sizes small, larger, medium extra large etc. I have found that the harder you search for something, the more value it has to you because of the effort you had to put into to find it. So I cherish my shoes I get the full use out of them literally. J So next time your shoe shopping and u find that perfect pair of shoes and they fit! Be Thankful because there’s always someone else who is searching for them as well.
　

I know most women complain that they have trouble finding shoes because their shoe size is common or because they have larger feet than most! I, however have a slightly different problem, my feet are two small. I’m a 5.5 or on a good day a six.

Article I wrote advertising a high end Jewerly company in NYC!

Amazing International Jewelry Line That Hopefully Comes to Dallas!

Jewelry is something that is necessary to complete an outfit. Sometimes we run into the situation where the right piece can be difficult to find. Have you ever had an outfit that just needs that special touch, such as a gun pendant or a simple gold ring? These unique pieces are just some of the items you can find at the international jewelry line, Atelier Minyon located in New York City
    This line has been featured in all of the top fashion magazines. Brooke Shields has be seen on the red carpet, and on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson wearing this Jewelry. I know that many Dallas residents love to travel up north for a break from the heat, to see the wonderful fall colors , or to see the wonderful snow. So for those of you that are lucky enough to visit NYC, I have found another destination for you to go to.
    Atelier Minyon is a Turkish Jewelry line designed by Alp Sagnak. They currently have six stores in Turkey and one store in the United States located in New York. They are how ever looking to expand their line. They will be available on the fashion jewelry web site MaxandChole.com. They also hope to sell their line locally in one of the major stores here in Dallas.
    Erin, the person that I talked with about Atelier Minyon states that ”We have two sides: Classic and Edgy (Jekyll and Hyde personalities we say ;) which is why you will see very traditional and bold Turkish collections then really wild and designer edgy collections.”
    While I was looking at their line one of the things that stood out to me was from their Six Shooter/Bullet collection. The piece was a tiny little pendant that is shaped like a gun. Being the Texas girl that I am I immediately thought of how it would compliment any outfit for those western themed fun raisers .or it would be great addition to the an outfit when going for a night out on the town.   
    Erin told me that the Six Shooter line was explicitly inspired by at trip that she took with Alp (the designer) to Dallas last winter. Alp really took to the Texas Culture, so after making a stop at a local Cavendar’s, went home at went to work designing this incredible new line. He is now the proud owner of the nickname “Turkish Cowboy”!
    My favorite piece from the Classic side of the line was stackable rings from the Pascha line. "Pascha" means sultan in Turkish. These rings have simple bands with a square shaped solitaire in the middle. These rings look great alone, in groups of two or three, or combined with one of their skull rings.
    What I enjoy about this line is that is unique yet classy, which is something I try to incorporate in my daily style. I am really excited for this line and I hope they come to Dallas but until they do, I have been assured that they take orders in-line and over the phone! Take a moment to look at their website, you might find something that will complete your look.

What this Blog is about!

Hi, I'm Jen I'm a writer. I will us this blog to tell you about my journey to publish my work. I will also show case the articles that I have written. I also will periodically update about things I am passionate about. I am a Christian women who loves her Lord with all that is within me. This blog will also remain PG. I believe that certain things have no place on the Internet (and definitely not on this blog) So you can feel free to let children browse. I have written three articles to date. One which was featured in a local fashion blog. I am getting better at spelling/grammar so bear with me.
I also want to educate the world about the two diseases that are a part of my life, Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia. They are both diseases that cause pain. Endometriosis causes menstrual pain while Fibro causes pain in my joints all over my body. It is truly a daily struggle, but with medicines and understanding people around me I will overcome it.
I hope you enjoy my blog.